This Bitch Bites !!

OMG I am so over dogs...

I understand  that sometimes dogs and bitches don't always work out but theres nothing worse than gutless poochies that don't have the balls to tell a Bitch that they are no longer keen... no string her along and play stupid games yeah that's way cooler... 

But if a Bitch was to keep a guy hanging by the gonads while she was hitting other dogs ohhh then she's a hoe or a cheating cunt..

These dogs need to check themselves cause you ain't all that and us Bitches shake it off and move on forgetting your scent in a heartbeat... raise your paws girls if a guy has said everythings all good only for you to see for yourself that its not the case..

It's a joke watching them play the same ball  games in the park with other bitches that they played with you. FFS dog grab a Frisbee and mix it up a little.. you are a joke.

I don't give a fuck if a dog isn't into me .. what really pisses me off is once again its proved that the only guys I'm into are those street mutts.. lil G Unit dogs with their gold dog chains and markings acting like they all that when the only way they feel good bout themselves is to hump any bit of tail that wags their way...

I guess big picture I'm glad I never shared a kennel with this dog but fuck Muttly have the respect for yourself if not me to at least lick your balls and clean that shit up before you stick it in another poodles face.

So from today I'm putting myself on a self imposed dog ban for 6 months.. now hopefully in that time a few things will happen..

1. I finish my studies and can blow off school and all the hard work I've put into these last few years

2. I can make a decision on which city to move to... current location isn't big enough for me to go further in my career

3. Hopefully my brain not my vagina will take control and make informed choices when it comes to these damn dogs.

I dare you to come sniff round me right now... I will rip off your doggie doodle and shove it down your throat and walk off leaving you choking on that bitch...

Re The Mystery Contributor

So a little background on our mystery writer... without giving away her secret identity..

She is one smoking hot Bitch... great tits and been humped by a few bad mongrels .. truly a funny lady who amuses me constantly, though she does make fun of my laugh :(

regardless of this flaw I would share my kennel and chew toy with her anyday

ohhhh she needs a secret identity name for the blog.. mystery contributor does not show off her boobs  :P

<3 U

The Mystery Contributor

And herein begins my first contribution to this blog. I am sure it is just the start of many. As boys continue to act as the lying cheating scum that they are, they will continue to provide fodder for this blog.

Case in point – my friend Tramp (all names have been changed to protect the infamous). On the outside Tramp seems like the dream dog, good natured, friendly, shiny coat and nose, cums when called. You know the deal. Now Tramp has a bitch, lets call her Lady. Lady assumes, and rightly so, that Tramp is her stud. They sleep in the same kennel every night and have done so for the past 7 years. They have roamed the country (and beyond) together, peeing on the same hydrant, sharing spaghetti and meatballs etc etc. Lady is happy she has finally found the Tramp of her dreams….except (there is always an except isn’t there) Tramp isn’t quite as homeward bound as Lady thinks. Tramp has been sniffing around another bitches hindquarters.

This bitch…

Tramp wants to have his Lady and eat this bitch too.

So….knowing that Tramp already has his lady, what is this bitch to do.  Do I take the moral high ground and tell the cheating Tramp to stick it where the sun don’t shine…or do I throw caution to the wind, embrace my whorey side and tell Tramp..to stick it where the sun don’t shine…

Sigh comments are welcomed...

Don't get it twisted

Now just to clarify something that has been brought up... I do not hate dogs.

I am not some flannel wearing, dude looking, man hating lesbian.. though after a few drinks I may swing a little off centre 

I loveeeee men and dogs. I have had some great relationships with the boys ..ok I've had great sex, the relationships were pretty crap as I have explained prior regarding my attraction to arseholes..

 *sighs* ohh how I love me a bad puppy 

I'm just here expressing my opinion on the world of dating and relationships.. I have no intention on going the gay way .. power to those that do but not me cause I wanna be the prettiest girl in the bed ;)

  the only thing i have given up on is trusting my instinct when it comes to you doggies and have enlisted the help and advice of a nice trusted dog who can tell me if the scent of the dog I'm sniffing is for real or he's just pissing on my leg

Alpha Dog you ain't all that

Ok so I worked a 15hr day the other day.. I'm a chef so this means  I "worked" 15hrs straight.

During busy functions there is no time for breaks etc.. its part of this industry and you either learn to deal with it or go work at McDonald's (no offence if you work at macca's... chill !)

Now a lot of people presume (incorrectly) that as cheffing is about cooking etc it would be a bitch run profession.. ohhhh no no no it is not.. the Alpha has taken a firm grip on it .. and has a serious issue with the bitch being on top....  now I know you are saying a bitch on top rocks but unless it involves the Alpha's cock this is not the case.

Without being a smug faggot I would say I am one of the better chefs working in my restaurant.. the head chef is amazing and I have much respect for that dog, however there are 3 mongrel dogs that work there that are to be fair ... Fucking useless.

When someone is sick, who pulls a 15hr double shift.. on their day off who gets called in to help...who does all the budgets, costings and brings new recipes and ideas to this restaurant...who does 4 hr mail drops of advertising.. that's right THE BITCH !!

Now even though the head chef does respect and appreciate my work and I have progressed up the ladder, why is it that the useless (and I really mean useless) chefs that get the perks, the trips away for competitions and all the advantages that I have to beg and sweat blood to get....its simple ... they hold the PENIS !!   pun totally intended :)

Now I worked a double and was given less than 12 hrs warning. I was meant to be going away for a girls weekend which I had to cancel.. so I call the boss this morning and ask for tomorrow off so I can still get away for a night... but what did  I not have to  bring to the table....that's right  THE PENIS !

So I went the mature response and proceeded to tell the boss I feel PMS coming on, describing the bloating and cramping I was experiencing in graphic detail..  sensing his uncomfortable state on the phone I decided to up the stakes and told him I also needed to take an hour off tomorrow to get a pap smear... I even threw in I should probably get a wax first as well.. 

He hurriedly mumbled incoherently something bout  "whatever take the day off grrr humbug" and hung up... so yes oh mighty Alpha you may hold the Penis but poochie I got you by the balls :D

The beginning

After over 10 years of dating (which I know is not a long time - however in dog years its around 53 years) I've decided that as I have all these years of experience I can give my opinion on the dynamics between women and men. As we are going to compare men and women to dogs I shall from now on refer to Men as Dogs and Women as Bitches!

Now if these references bother you then you may wanna get the fuck off my blog because I'm not particularly "PC" nor am I prepared to sugarcoat this as relationships are not all sugar and spice, more rats and mice.

I was going to start with a little history about myself, but I have now decided that I shall throw little snippets of my dysfunctional cluster fuck of a life throughout this journey.

Ironically as I am looking for some inspiration for something to discuss I find myself watching "The Bachelor".

Now THERE is a perfect example of the hound dog behaviour of men and women..one man... 12 women.. all of them circling and wagging their "tails" in the snout of the dog while he struts his stuff sniffing their butts and dry humping their legs to see which bitch is a suitable mate.

Watching these bitches fight and degrade themselves to get the attention of this dog is embarrassing to watch.

Now I have never had a problem getting a dogs attention but I seem to attract the mongrels and mutts of the pack.

Maybe my problem is I always go for the bad boy dogs, the dogs that in all honestly should of been neutered, flea'ed and in some cases put down as its the more humane option for the dog and all the bitches he will hump.

I'm not attracted to the "nice" dogs, if there's a mutt in sight I'll wag my tail in his direction panting which always ends badly.

So what are the choices ..

1. Continue dating the bad dogs and end up with a broken heart
2. Get with some "poodle" and hope that there is some chemistry and sustainability

Maybe I'm a lone bitch destined to roam and not have a "fairytale ending".

Would that bother me though?.. not doing the "picket fence" marriage and puppies thing?

To be honest at this point in my life all I'm concerned about is getting my career on track and succeeding in my chosen profession .. I'm 28 (125 dog years) so I don't think there is any hurry to get into any big deal things.. puppy love will do for now.. ..


So the dogs can chase my tail, sniff my butt, and if he's lucky a lil doggie style but commitment etc is not something I'm prepared to explore.

Recently though I have been accused of being "needy" which really got to me..and made me scrutinise my behaviour and see if there was any truth to it.  I think some dogs mistake caring and concern as more than it is.

The Alpha male needs to realise sometimes that they ain't all that and bitches can get all the arse they need so pull ya head in pups and go chase your ball !

Until next time may your water bowl be full and your coat flea free !!